Semper Fidelis
by todoizulove
Summary: "So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fell asleep your eyes close. I am completely yours today and all of the days that follow."


Axel had always lived in promises within promises.

Smaller things or bigger things, it was always his duty and his alone to carry on promises; apt or not he was to keep them, it was another story. Like that one time when he promised to buy Roxas a pack of Seasalt Ice Cream (Roxas' favorite, although Roxas had insisted that it was _Axel_'s favorite, too) and came home two hours later with an extra pack.

Or that one particular time when he spurted that he was going to take Roxas somewhere far sometimes in the week because he just knew that the younger man had two consecutive bad days and Axel didn't want a living zombie as his boyfriend (and maybe he simply wanted to see the sparkles in his azure eyes when he brought up the topic). When Axel handed him two flight tickets to Bolivia and showed him Google results of Salar de Uyuni, Roxas was a beam of living excitement. But the Lady Luck was a bitch for them the following day, as Axel had gotten a call from his boss that he would need the red head to be on the company the day when they were supposed to strip their responsibilities away. Axel was a train wreck after the call, but Roxas had been so generous to understand and let the chance slip.

He knew that he loved Roxas to the very fiber of his own being when he gave Axel that small smile and told him that it was alright, that there would be another time and when it comes the world would be so damned it would even beg the two to come back because it needed them—but the sex that night was good, and maybe, just maybe, even an hour or two with Roxas equaled to being an escapist. What wouldn't Axel give to just be alone with him?

Or when the both of them was sitting on the couch on a night of their uncertain years of anniversary, watching some rerun of Rowan Atkinson's stand-up comedy shows, when Axel had decided to propose to the blond with a cracking serenade of his own that screamed a lifelong commitment and undying love—being a helpless sap as he was. He had promised Roxas that he would definitely take his hand if he allowed him to, in which he got a tearful laugh and a slap on his shoulder as an answer. They wound up planning for the date of the wedding and discussing about how would they break the news to their friends. Sora, as Axel said that night, would be so delighted that his brother had finally overcame his fear of being committed, and his friends would be just as thrilled as they were.

There wouldn't be an extravagant party and whatnot. They had agreed on just registering the marriage to the officials and Roxas would get his last name changed as Axel's, and they would get over with it. They were so content on discussing it they forgot that they left the pizza overheat in the microwave. The night ended in sounds of rumbling stomachs as both of them just burnt their dinner.

Axel felt content, he was _feeling_ invincible now that Roxas would always be with him no matter how fucked he would be in years to come. He was happy that Roxas were always the first one to give him strength, were always the first one to leave him in a state of disheveled, both physically and mentally.

He felt content that there would only be _them_.

According to their plans, him and Roxas would extract themselves out of this hellhole called studio apartment and travel all around the world—Roxas with his camera as a living as it usually were, but this time, more freely, and Axel with his capability in actually addressed as a professional engineer as a gain because _looks could be deceiving_. They didn't even spare their two cents on how would they live—they would find home whenever they were, side by side.

Had Lady Luck not be a bitch for the two of them the second time that year—Axel in particular. Or Roxas, depending on how people perceived it. Axel was standing in the altar in the garden he had just abruptly reserved 4 days prior to the designed date, no guests were present that day. There was only him, the pastor in front of him, and Roxas beside him. They both wore matching white tuxedos and pair rings that Axel had refused to put off since the day they got them customized from the jewelry shop (Roxas also commented about whatever happened to exclusivity, along with a sigh and a defeated grin).

As the pastor recited some lines on the bible, Axel tilted his head to the side, to where Roxas were. He formed a tired smile as the love of his life came into his sight; closed eyes, a veil that looked so perfectly in place over his serene look. He was _sleeping_, unaware of the chain of events that happened after he went like that. He wouldn't know about his brother's desperate calls of his name when those people that smelled like antiseptics claimed that they had done the best they could before sliding the cloth over his head just like how the veil were placed on his face right now- he wouldn't know about Axel's sleepless nights, he wouldn't know about Axel's nightmares of screeching sounds of tires and metal hitting his body and _the sight of him fighting for his life when trembling Axel held him so close in his pool of blood while waiting for the fucking ambulance to come_.

He wouldn't know that Axel regretted, with passion, letting them go out to get Seasalt Ice Cream—or just simply go out, when the day that they would register their names together were around the corner. He wouldn't know when Axel got a series of unbelievable looks from their friends when he stated that he was still going to keep his promise to marry Roxas, alive or not.

It was a matter of keeping his promise before Roxas spent his last breath; they had no idea that the red head hated himself for letting his promises been unkempt- one strike that resulted in losing a life, and suddenly he was there feeling as if he was the biggest jerk that ever existed in the whole world. _It's never been fair_, he thought, _the world is just as fucked up as it is. _

"—today and all of the days that follow. Sir, please repeat after me." The pastor was now had his head turned to his direction. He arched one of his eyebrows as Axel was finally brought back from his reverie, the bible still held tight in his hand. He shot Axel a knowing smile, and Axel was just so _tired _from all of these sympathetic smiles sent to him. "Sir, are you ready?"

Darkened eye bags, tired eyes, yet he managed to answer with a small 'yeah'.

With that as a cue, he put a feather light touch on the casket that embraced Roxas' figure, thought he might as well need a reassurance to keep going and not faint right there and then. He opened his mouth to start citing the lines they had practiced beforehand.

"_Today, I promise you this:_

_I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from when. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you,"_

He had to fight the sting that threatened to make its way to his eyes. He refused to look at Roxas. He needed to _keep going_.

"_So intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fell asleep your eyes close. I am completely yours today and all of the days that follow._"

Axel didn't realize that he had been staring into spaces while completing his sentences. He brought his focus back to the aged man in front of him. Had he not place an assuring smile and a pat on his shoulder, he wouldn't even realize that he had been crying all over the vow.

It had been a couple of months since Axel first moved to the country, away from people, away from annoying honking sounds, away from his _previous life. _He hadn't met his friends at all; he had no means to deliver some news about his well-being to them as he'd changed his number. He resigned from work—but at least he was doing a gain from repairing things like they had planned many, many months ago.

Roxas's funeral also went smooth. The family, along with him as an addition, held it the night Axel gave Roxas the vow. Sora hugged Riku tightly that Axel had almost sympathized with the kid when the ceremony was still running, before finally holding (gripping) Axel's hand with tears on his cheeks. He was bawling like a kid, lost as he was—or maybe more—lost that he just lost his only younger brother. He told Axel how much he loved Roxas and would always love him no matter what, and that he demanded Axel did the same. Axel, despite of the fact that he was older than Sora was, was also Sora's brother, and he would come to him whenever he needed Sora.

Axel was thankful of Sora's generosity, one that resembled Roxas but with more sparks, but he just wanted to drink it away and sleep. He couldn't bear losing a half of his soul.

And now that he was finally alone, he finally found peace where he belonged, unlike his life before all of this happened.

The door closed with a thud; Axel kicking it closed before walking to his bed. He shoved the quilt away and found his love—his life, half of his soul, laying bare with his eyes shut, unaware of whatever was happening to him, _to them_. The red head smiled at Roxas' corpse, all rigid and swathed in formalin to keep his body intact, and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.

Axel frowned with an ache in his chest, _he's so cold_.

"Roxy," he started, jade orbs was focusing on his closed blue eyes. He's so desperate to make it open—to make it work for them. He needed to be washed away in the ocean that was Roxas' eyes. "I was almost sure that you're good as dead now, that you won't be there to smile for me every morning even though we're tied until life's tired of us… well, _me_,"

"But after seeing you sleep so soundlessly on the casket that day on our wedding, I can't just give up on you."

He sighed, ducking his forehead to where Roxas' heart were supposed to, and holding his icy cold hand with so much care that it might break if he put too much force to it.

Technically, it would.

"Rox, I love you, I love you so much you had no idea. I can't put this feeling away that you're calling to me, calling for me to take you with me. I did, I did what my heart told me," He continued with a chuckle. "Sora would kill me for sure if he knew what I did to his brother, heh, I won't mind, actually. Anything to come back to you. But you're here, I'm home…"

Axel leaned away from Roxas' chest to stare longingly at his face. No expression. God he's so beautiful even in his death.

He moved his head close to the blond's lips, set in line in a lifeless motion, and closed his warm ones to Roxas' cold ones. Axel whispered between Roxas' lips:

"Completely yours today and all of the days that follow after all, right?"


End file.
